the big news

Some people might have got a sense that somethings going on around here, other than I'm flat stick with the wedding plans...something else, something big, and scary and important and exciting all at once. (Some people are dying to know!)

We decided to come 'home' to Gippsland and leave behind our life at Ythanbrae 12 months ago, as it (Gippsland) was always where we thought we would eventually be. It was all part of The Plan. We missed being closer to our family and friends, we wanted to take a step up for Mr M's career and thought that this was the natural next step, into the family business and away from farm management. Our eventual dream is to own our own farm, our own business, our own home. We saw an opportunity here at Brindabella. We thought in farm management jobs like we had been working in this was not a possibility (which it's not really, you work somebody's else's land for them which isn't our ideal, but was still very rewarding and we ran and loved Ythanbrae as if it were ours). 

Over the past 12 months I've learnt a lot. A year ago I thought I had it all figured out - The Plan was swinging into action. Perhaps I shouldn't have counted my chickens and all that. Perhaps I shouldn't have even had A Plan. So I've learnt a lot. I've learnt that you can not manufacture happiness. I've learnt that all the promises in the world don't amount to much if there is no action. I've learnt that a house which is almost yours, your dream garden, closeness to family and friends, all means not much if at the end of every day you're not happy. Truly happy. If you still don't feel right within yourself as to how you are spending your life. Do what you love. It's simple but hard all at the same time. 

Yes I've learnt much, but the greatest lesson learnt for 2011 would be what a sense of 'home' is. What it is, not where it is. That was a big lesson to learn. Yes.

Thorpdale was always home. Yes, Gippsland is where the majority of our family and friends are. Yes, this is where we grew up. But is it still home? Perhaps. But Ythanbrae was our home also, and before we embarked on that crazy adventure I would've never said anywhere but Thorpdale would be 'home'. I borderline would say Ythanbrae felt more like home than my family farm here does. Over the past few months I've had many a sleepless night asking myself why? It's hard to put our fingers on - but at the end of a day here we are not happy. We are not content, fulfilled. We want more. That we know.

We want to explore, to discover new opportunities, which we just know are out there for us. We want to have amazing experiences and open doors throughout the agri-industry for ourselves. We're 25 years old - we want to travel and do all of these things before we have kids and 'settle'. 

Settle. I always thought that's exactly what I wanted. I wanted the white picket fence, the scones in the oven, the dream. It was all in The Plan. I wanted to build a home with Mr M, raise our children and live happily ever after. What I know now is that I don't need a white picket fence and my perfect home to actually have 'the dream'. That reality smacked me hard in the face. It was like a lightbulb was on. No, a floodlight. I could see clearly. Things don't make you happy, people do, experiences do. Perhaps The Plan wasn't a bad idea, but The Plan can change. And that's ok. 

And so, we have made the hardest decision I have ever had to make. 

We are walking away from what we thought was our dream here at Brindabella. No we are not 'walking away' - this is not a failure or a disappointment. No. Perhaps we were wrong to even come here. Perhaps we are wrong in this decision to leave. Only time will tell. But we can not not make this decision. Forward movement is vital, essential to healthier, happier selves.

Mr M is my home and I am his. This we know. A roof or a door or a tree or the perfect paint colour are not our home. We are our home. Us. Not much else matters is what I keep telling the doubting voices in my mind.   

We have a new Plan. A better Plan. That plan is rough and sketchy and flexible. It's a good Plan.

Images of prints from A Typical A